Growth.

It’s been a while.

To be honest, I’ve been a little busy. I have been working with my therapist to move through all of the emotions of generational trauma and inner child healing.

Navigating all of this hasn’t been easy, it is easily one of the harder things I have worked through. Non-death grieving, ending the generational trauma, and releasing all of the pent up emotions that came engrained in my DNA from conception.

Working through and processing emotions of other people, isn’t easy. At times there was an incredibly heavy elephant sitting on my chest as these emotions worked themselves up and out of my body. The release involved a lot of crying, sobbing, and kleenex, but I know that it has been worth the work.

For much of my life, I have known I am the family healer. The one chosen to end the generational traumas and to break the generational cycles. I can navigate and process these emotions on my own, but am trying to understand how processing those emotions will help the rest of the family. I do strongly believe, that it will help future generation, and at the very least it will help our girls.

I also leaned into, rather hard, inner child healing. This brought up non-death grieving, consistent bids for connection that were not granted, and so many really heavy emotions (some, I know were generational trauma). It’s not easy, but reflecting on your childhood as an adult, certainly brings to light many new things.

What you reflect on, depends on your sessions and where you are pulled to discover and reflect. In my case, it was between the ages of 7-13, very specifically. It was a lot of reflection on the bid for connections, generational trauma’s (ie. sexual abuse, physical abuse of family members – when they were children), and evidently, I was lead to non-death grieving. The grieving of a relationship you wish you had, and should have had, with a specific person in your life, but you did not receive that relationship.

During the inner child healing sessions, I had a dream. It was so vivid.

I was about 7 years old, just this little red headed girl, standing alone, seemingly in a field, screaming, a very loud and horrifying scream. At this point, I felt myself, as an adult, approach the 7 year old me. I didn’t speak at all, I got down to little Lindsay’s height and let her know I was there with loving looks. She reached out and grabbed my hand, as the sobbing set in and she started working through everything I had just finished working on in my therapy sessions. As an adult, I sat there quietly, holding her little hand, feeling these heavy emotions dissipate in my present body, feeling the release along side the 7 year old version of myself.

This is something I have never experienced. I have a lot of very vivid dreams, and I have a lot of very specific “guests” in my dreams. I watched as the tears filled with these emotions streamed down my own cheeks, as I released all of the trauma’s and emotions I had held onto as a child, and the trauma’s of others. It was as if these emotions were released into my tears, the emotions separated from the tears as they streamed down my cheek, and floated up into the sky. A true release, like nothing I have ever experienced.

If you are feeling called, or pulled, into processing something hard, now is the time. Work away at it, and if you need to process it with someone, I am here. I can hold space for you.